I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
