Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
