LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize