its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
