Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
