I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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