Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
