I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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