The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
