I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
