definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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