I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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