see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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