Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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