Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I will die if light touches me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
