YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So squirting runs in the family.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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