tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
