i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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