I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Watching her eat just hurts me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
