So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
