I'm so fucking centered right now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
