Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
