Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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