I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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