just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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