I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
