You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
