A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why do cheetos always look like penises
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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