Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
