i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
