Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
