I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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