You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
