so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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