she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
