my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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