I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
