I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
