Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
