well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
