did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
