I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
