I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
