Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
