She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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