Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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