he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize