so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We need to rekindle our bromance
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
