thus making me awesome and them whores
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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