Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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