***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
