you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
