wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
