i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
