I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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