I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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