But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
