You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
