i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize