He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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