He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think my moral compass just broke
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
