Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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