ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
