Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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