i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
