Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
