I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
