How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
