i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
