I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
