She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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